


Mountains That Can Be Moved

by sugarby



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Canon Compliant, Conversations, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, M/M, Spoilers for Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26660983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarby/pseuds/sugarby
Summary: Suzaku doesn't agree. Take the sword of his sworn enemy but be the one who murders his best friend? Sever their cherished bond that has stood the test of time and survived a shit ton for the world?For a bitter second, he mentally shrugs it off. Asks himself 'eh, what's one more death at my hands?'. Then he remembers that Suzaku Kururugi will be dead also. They'll die together at each other's sides in every way except physically. It will call for more than just a tear or two. There'll be a hurricane in Suzaku's heart, loud and relentless, until the end of time.(Or an internal struggle over the discussion of the Zero Requiem after it's first proposed).
Relationships: C.C. & Kururugi Suzaku, C.C. & Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia, Kururugi Suzaku/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Comments: 12
Kudos: 23





	Mountains That Can Be Moved

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in like a month but here's suzalulu depressing and apologetic requiem talk because we love to see it.

The Zero headgear is placed on its mantle piece with a gentleness, like it isn't actually a heavy weight.

Suzaku only wore it for a moment and it was enough to plague him with all the kinds of nightmarish scenes its been part of; the misdeeds its original wearer has orchestrated.

It's not a helmet or a mask, it's a piece of a darkness in a place he never before expected it to be.

He's taken it off from and still can't quite raise his head. He cant't be himself. He can't be the Suzaku Kururugi that he was for the eighteen years he spent enduring as opposed to living.

So he's dead before he ever really got to live, so to speak.

He sometimes wished he could wake up as someone else but here he is now, meeting his own gaze in the helmet's reflective visor and ready to give anything to return and stay within the familiar.

He sighs and the last stream of light across the mask disappears when its compartment doors behind a deep wardrobe close.

C.C. is already looking at him from the end of a well made bed. "You're upset."

"Of course I am."

Why bother to even hide it? He's been predictable all this time, and the tinge of his eyes aready beginning to pay tribute to his name.

Suzaku wipes his eyes, "But it's fine. You don't have to try and make me feel better."

" _I'm_ the one who needs comforting. I should have put money on this but _he thought_ that you would be okay. Obviously, it was blind faith."

"C.C., does he actually want me to..."

"Kill him? Yes."

Suzaku hangs his head again and it's like he's still wearing the mask. _'Try it on for just one moment'_ he was instructed but it was enough.

Rather than admit it all aloud, how it felt to be put in such a position, that it's tearing him apart inside, he wants to keep it all to himself. But right now, he's like a marble. Fragile, clear and spilling out. 

"Is that it?"

"That and he's been lying to me about more than I realised."

C.C. says, "You could say he's been lying from the beginning. Ever since you met him that day." It's a long time to lie, even to woman who has walked the earth for longer than expected.

Suzaku would applaud with heavy handed clapping but it's not like Lelouch was up against the brightest crayon in the pack. No offence to himself, it's just the way things are with the two of them but God he wishes it wasn't.

That they weren't light versus dark but just one mutual existence. A harmony.

Something like that is known as peace, isn't it?

"It's not his fault."

"I blame _you_. If you hadn't been there that day—"

"You and I would be dead." Lelouch's voice interrupts as he comes into view at the doorway, leaning against it with a tired look.

Someone can argue that they both died seven years ago on August tenth. When they stopped being children unaware of reality and made promises to each other, and vows to themselves. 

Suzaku says, "At least we would've died as we were. I'm sure where I'm going when I die was already decided by then. But you, Lelouch? You didn't deserve any of this."

The way he sees it, or chooses to out of desperation, Lelouch was taken advantage of. His pain and fire were molded and he became the demon born after. Geass was a death sentence on that day and Zero was his afterimage. His ghost with a grudge out for blood with a long and growing list of names, set to live on even now. 

"So you're not on board with the plan?" C.C. asks Suzaku while looking at Lelouch. The answer they receive will decide in the end if their wager can be rebuilt and she's given enough cash to splash out on pizza for a good while. 

Lelouch's tired look goes to her now, "He already agreed."

"But did he mean it?" C.C. turns back to Suzaku. 

"Well, I..." Suzaku gives himself a minute and thinks back to moments ago.

The three of them sat around the dining room table talking. Only instead of anything Suzaku could've imagined, it was worse. Devastatingly so. With the longest and most sympathetic look being given to him by the same person begging for his help. 

Lelouch had probably been expecting a hard no and damn if he wasn't deserving of it. But Suzaku opened his mouth and 'yes' came out because every corner of his mind was just completely wiped clean.

"I said yes but you have to understand, that was _a lot_ , Lelouch. I'm still taking it all in, or trying to, but it's like none of this is even real."

C.C. says, "You must have been quite difficult to convince about Santa Claus then."

" _C.C_." Lelouch warns with an unkind look. "Leave him be or he'll only dramatize his emotions."

"Me?!" Suzaku gapes, " _You_ spent seven years plotting a revenge just to give motivational talks in a flashy costume!"

C.C. snorts behind a fist like she isn't happy for them to hear anyway.

Lelouch clears his throat. "No, what I mean is that yes, you have a lot to think over. You aren't sure what or how you feel so you shouldn't force an answer. I asked not expecting an answer, but hoping to be understood. Even if you don't agree."

Suzaku doesn't agree. Take the sword of his sworn enemy but be the one who murders his best friend? Sever their cherished bond that has stood the test of time and survived a shit ton for the world? 

For a bitter second, he mentally shrugs it off. Asks himself 'eh, what's one more death at my hands?'.

Then he remembers that Suzaku Kururugi will be dead also. They'll die together at each other's sides in every way except physically. It will call for more than just a tear or two.

There'll be a hurricane in Suzaku's heart, loud and relentless, until the end of time.

"But it's more _killing_."

"Wars aren't without causalities." 

Lelouch's great admiration for Suzaku did encourage him once to consider his manner of approach.

Of being patient and obedient. Letting the country and its system walk all over him and delude himself into thinking its corruption and poison can be healed. Then where would that have gotten him?

The country's sickness is too far gone in its chaotic state to rehabilitated.

And honestly, when it's run by a man who never so much as blinked when he exiled his children, or lifted a finger to matters around his wife's murder, then it was already much too late too long ago.

"But they can be!" Suzaku persists.

He's clinging onto what's left of Lelouch's humanity, however small and riddled with bloodshed He's never stopped searching for it. Holding out a hand through the thick of all the noise and anguish, waiting for that Britannian boy he spent a summer with to take it.

"Change takes time!"

"You expect me to waste another _seven years_? I don't have the time and I sure as hell don't have the _patience_. Just why do you think wars happen? It isn't a contest of strength and superiority."

"Why is it then?! Tell me since you seem to have all the answers!"

"It's because there are things worth risking lives for when they mean more, if not just as much!"

"Right! Your life is _so much more_ valuable than all the hundreds of innocent people caught in the crossfire!"

"YOUR LIFE, YOU IDIOT! I've lost too much already! My mother, Nunnally's health, my identity! I've lost everything to this wretched country but the one thing in my tragic life that remains is _you_ and I'm not giving you up!"

Suzaku's mind nearly wipes again. Almost replaces with the crystalline memory of the two of them much younger and innocent to such a build up of pain.

But the Lelouch in front of him is too real for it to stick.

An outburst like that comes only from the heart and that's always been the truest part of Lelouch, hasn't it? While his mind played the games, his heart has been there as captive.

C.C. stands up, "Lelouch was always planning to fight this country. Yes, he may have gone down a different route, but his goal would have been the same. Suzaku, you must decide if you'll continue to let him fight alone or be at his side as his sword."

"I can't..." Suzaku closes his eyes. "...I don't think I can make that decision right now."

Lelouch comes closer, "Do you know why I chose the name Zero?".

Suzaku shakes his head, "Tell me."

"The number has no value by itself. It's inferior to every other digit, yet it's present in so many. It's the difference between nothing and a hundred, a thousand, and even a hundred-thousand." Lelouch slips his fingers into Suzaku's in a clasp. "It's value is dependent on what or who is around it."

Suzaku smiles softly, "So, in a roundabout and smart-ass way, you need me."

"Always have." Lelouch says, thinking back to their youthful days when one friend made all the difference in a foreign land. "Now more than ever. I'll die by your hand but I won't be dead."

"Me too." 

Lelouch shakes his head, "The Suzaku Kururugi who fought on behalf of this country for the memory of the precious childhood friend he believed to be gone will be dead. The Suzaku Kururugi here," he puts a palm to one of his cheeks tenderly, "Right in front of me is very much alive."

Suzaku blushes. His wild blinks send his eyes to look elsewhere. "I feel like a ghost. I can't move on to the next life."

Lelouch tilts his head, "Are you mad at me?"

"Always will be. This pain might never really go away." Suzaku gently pulls the hand down from his face. Rather than cast it aside though, he holds onto it. A silent promise to stay. "But it shows that I really care."

C.C. yawns loudly, reminding them of her everlasting presence in this world. "This is the longest anyone's ever taken to 'kiss and make up', and you aren't even doing it in the literal sense.

"C.C.!" Suzaku yells this time, scandalized. 

Lelouch smirks, "Now _that_ , I have both the time and patience for."

"Better make the most of it then." C.C. says. "By the way, Suzaku. Why do you think snow is white?"

"Huh? You mean snow as in... _snow_?"

"Is there another kind?"

"I'm just making sure we're on the same page! That's kinda random of you. Uh, let's see...well..."

Lelouch rolls his eyes. C.C. and her weird riddles always tire him. She was never truly satisfied with his answer either, only entertained enough to leave him forever guessing without her confirmation or rejection.

Suzaku begins with a thoughtful hum and then proceeds to surprise them, "Because it's pure...I think? It's colourless so it can't be tied to an corresponding emotion, good or bad. In that sense, it's kinda liberated. Free. Why are you looking at me like that?"

Lelouch shrugs, smiling "I'm not used to hearing your philosophy."

"Well she asked!"

C.C. replies, "And do all answers require an answer, Suzaku?"

"The important ones do, I think."

Lelouch nods, "I do too."

C.C. smirks but otherwise lets them be happily oblivious.

"Suzaku, whatever you decide, just your being here means a lot to me." Lelouch tries with all he has to convey with his eyes that if he can believe anything, believe in this. In them. "And while there is little a man of my physique can do in comparison, know that regardless I would move mountains for you."

"That's not even possible."

Geass isn't possible. Rising from the dead isn't possible. Many things they've met and conquered are, by all logical accounts, impossible. Even still, they faced them.

So, even still...

"Even still, for you I would do it."

**Author's Note:**

> Any time I write suzalulu now just feels like a 'how much gayer can I write them?' challenge but I think I'm winning.


End file.
